Mr. Pajama Bottoms

Why is Online dating the way of the world, the most popular way to find a partner? Who are we that we've decided that swiping based solely on the looks and brief bio is totally okay? I feel like that is a bit shallow. What a pain in the rump.

I did it, I decided to brave the wild online-app dating life and start my search for a potential partner! I've been on and off dating apps for a little over 2 years now, the whole finding your partner online wave causes me A LOT of stress and really breaks apart my self esteem. Isn't it suppose to be easier? ugh...

After a couple months break, I decided to try my luck again with a new data app, Match. I don't know about you, but one of the hardest things for me is creating a bio -- who knows what to say, what is too much, how real should I be? ugh, the struggle is real.

A match! A match that actually messages me is a very rare occurrence for me - imagine my disappointment when we decided to meet and it turned into a disaster date!

Let's talk about first dates -- for me I prefer that a first date is grabbing quick coffee or meeting at a fair/event, something where we can talk but also have a bit of distractions so things aren't awkwardly silent. I think it would be pretty easy to do in the city the size of Atlanta, wouldn't you? Now, lets discuss clothes -- is it too much to ask for you, the guy, to put in a little bit of effort?!

My date suggested that we go bowling and then he would cook me dinner at his place, which was fairly close to the bowling alley. I know, I know what you are thinking, dinner at his house - don't do it. Trust me I did think about that but convinced myself that it wasn't the worst idea as we had mutual friends. Bowling it is, he sent me the address and started my trek to the bowling alley -- which, might I add was about 45 minutes from my place and only 10 from his...strike one. (Yes, he knew what area of town I was traveling from!)

I arrived at the bowling alley just a little before 7 - he also got there early to reserve a lane - and I made my way back to the bowling lanes. I immediately spotted him, he looked a mess -- his clothes were wrinkly, his pants were too big, he had on a t-shirt, and a baseball cap. All of these things are fine but NOT on a first date; maybe I need to be a little bit nicer and that was his best outfit, who knows. I was already a bit hesitant but decided I would just enjoy the night of bowling ahead. We bowled 3 games and I won 2/3 - got more strikes last night than I've ever gotten before, it was AMAZING! The conversation was not very smooth, it seemed like there wasn't much in common even though we were both from small towns in south Alabama, went to the same JR college, had the same birthday (different years), and both went to Auburn University. So I did my best to keep the conversation going how ever I could. After bowling we discussed if continuing the date with dinner or go our separate ways. We jointly decided that we could move the date to his place for dinner -- secretly I knew that there wasn't going to be a second date, but hey it was a free dinner and I had already driven an hour to get to the middle-of-nowhere Georgia.

He text me the address to his house and away I went! Guys, I started to freak out a little bit while I was driving out there. There were no street lights so it was not very easy to see his house. Once I finally figured out which house was his, it was bigger than I expected and quite a cute little number. I assumed this to be his home but wasn't quite sure as he wasn't outside waiting or hadn't really given me any clues about what to look for to know I was in the right place. Shortly after arriving we were standing in the kitchen talking (still a bit awkward and forced) while he was cooking; once the chicken was done he grabbed a plate out of the cupboard and fixed a plate, then he walked into the living room without saying a word to me about what was happening... Was I suppose to fix my own plate, was that my plate... I had no idea, so I just stood there in the kitchen not knowing what to say or do. Then from the living room I hear "I hope you don't mind eating on TV trays, my living room set is upstairs and my bedroom is now in my living room." Excuse me what? You sleep in your living room? Oh boy... he then goes on to tell me that he has lived in this house for a little over a year and when he first moved in he had his bedroom upstairs and over time he decided that it was smarter just to move his bedroom down here next to the kitchen so that he doesn't have to walk upstairs. I am speechless - his bedroom which is right off the kitchen has no door. While this is not really the worst idea it is a bit strange, kinda freaky.

Finally, he fixes the second plate and informs me that mine is already in the living room on the TV table. Shew, now I at least know what plate is mine! I sit down and start to cut my food (I'm starving) and I hear him say "I hope you don't mind but I am going to get comfortable and put on my pajamas, I am ready to be out of these khakis." Are you kidding me, you are putting on PAJAMAS!?! He didn't even go into his bedroom or bathroom, he put them on behind the couch WHERE I WAS SITTING ABOUT TO EAT DINNER. Never in my life have I experienced anything like this before.

I have no choice, I have to create a game plan to escape as soon as possible. What do I do?! I decided that I would eat just enough and then get the hell out of there, I quickly ate my chicken and potatoes (which tasted okay - nothing special). Now was my chance to escape -- "I really hate to eat and run but I am really sleepy and I have an hour drive home." I quickly thanked him for bowling and dinner and made my way to the car. As soon as he shut the door, he turned off the porch light, weird. I then immediately called my best friend and had word diarrhea -- what would we do without our best girlfriends?!

Thank you for reading the first of many crazy dating chronicles!